@Begin
@Participants:	NS003
@Age:	52
@Sex:	M
@L1:	AmE
@FatherL1:	AmE
@MotherL1:	AmE
@AcademicBakground:	MA
@OtherLanguage:	none==;none==
@Topic:	divorce
@WritingProficiency:	?
@Comments:	NoTitle(Del)
@Coder:	2006-10-21 DataInputBy MURAO Remi;
@Version:	2.0
*NS003:	Is divorce ever justified or is divorce something to be avoided at all costs?
%COM:	
*NS003:	My answers would be yes to the former and no to the latter.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Though actually I think there is a lot of gray area between the two.
%COM:	
%par:
*NS003:	People divorce for many reasons, e.g.money problems, sexual problems, cheating partners, problems with in-laws, domestic violence, alcohol problems, drug problems the list goes on and on.
%COM:	
*NS003:	These are definitely problems of concern, some can be overcome some may not be.
%COM:	
%par:
*NS003:	My personal feeling is that if a marriage can be saved everything should be done to do so.
%COM:	
*NS003:	This becomes especially urgent if children are involved.
%COM:	
*NS003:	I think that if there are children are involved that with the exception of domestic violence, mothers and fathers should do everything possible to stay together.
%COM:	
%par:
*NS003:	The other problems can no doubt be serious and possibly create insurmountable dilemmas and sometimes those problems can lead to violence, but for the sake of the children parents need to step back and put their own sometimes selfish self interests aside and put the needs of the children first.
%COM:	
%par:
*NS003:	Even if it means a so called 'in house divorce' where the parents no longer have sexual relations but still live together for the sake of the kids I think this is better than parents living separate from there kids.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Adults should be 'adult' enough to sit down and discuss things openly.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Admit "things aren't working out marriage wise but for the kids we can put up a good front.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Even if they are involved with people outside of the marriage, they should be mature enough about things to keep those other people at a distance from their children.
%COM:	
%par:
*NS003:	They should think of it as two overlapping circles.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Maybe only half of the circles overlap but within that circle are the home and children.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Everything should be done to make that portion of their lives as calm, safe and secure as possible for the kids.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Outside that circle they can have their own friends and relationships, but those other relationships should be kept away from the part of the circle that overlaps.
%COM:	
*NS003:	That portion of the circle that overlaps should be kept sacrosanct.
%COM:	
%par:
*NS003:	If at a later point in time, after the kids have left home, then if they still want to get divorced then that is their option.
%COM:	
*NS003:	I have known two marriages that have made this compromise.
%COM:	
*NS003:	After it was all said and done and the kids left home they decided to just keep the same arrangement, it had become comfortable to both couples.
%COM:	
*NS003:	They had become like good housemates.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Besides, it made it easier when the kids came home on holidays and when the kids got married it made it easier to share the grandkids.
%COM:	
%par:
*NS003:	The one thing in common both couples had though was that they were financially well off so living fulfilling separate lives outside of the overlapping circles was a lot easier.
%COM:	
*NS003:	After the kids left home, both couples were free to travel separately and pursue different interests just as they had for years.
%COM:	
*NS003:	At some point of course the kids figure things out but by then they are mature enough themselves to handle it.
%COM:	
%par:
*NS003:	My observation in life is that kids need 'two parents.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Sometimes the marriage may not be a perfect union but that shouldn't necessarily have to affect the children.
%COM:	
*NS003:	As a teacher I've know many children of divorce and with few exceptions I can honestly say that the kids were affected in negative ways.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Some of the affects are immediate and some don't show up for years.
%COM:	
*NS003:	The trauma of being separated from one parent, sometimes by hundreds or thousands of miles is more than many kids can handle.
%COM:	
%par:
*NS003:	I look at my own son and know that he would be shattered if his mother and I were to divorce.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Fortunately his mother and I have a good marriage but if for some reason it were to disintegrate I'm sure we would both choose the overlapping circle option for our son's sake.
%COM:	
%par:
*NS003:	On the other hand if there are no children involved and both of the marriage partners feel they have given it their best shot then I think divorce is a viable and realistic option.
%COM:	
*NS003:	Again, there are many reasons why some marriages don't work out.
%COM:	
*NS003:	It is best to find out if it is not going to work out before children come along and then hopefully be able to part amicably and get on with their lives.
%COM:	
%par:
*NS003:	To sum it up, I think all attempts should be made to hold a family together if children are involved.
%COM:	
*NS003:	The marriage itself might be dead but the family can still be maintained if the adults involved are willing to compromise.
%COM:	
*NS003:	If no children are involved, well it is sad but it is better to admit a mistake was made before children become involved.
%COM:	
@End